The only very good news I've had lately was that Dr. Diane wasn't repulsed by my poems this week. And Julia's mom made cake. Apart from those events, I've more or less wanted to puke in my soup for the better part of the past couple weeks. I get to the point where I'd almost like to just wander off somewhere, to go catch fish or sell trinkets someplace by the sea and just never really have to deal with anything serious. Then I remember that I'd still have to pay back student loans, and if I'm going to do that, I might as well hang around and get the degree. 

It's so odd, because it used to be that I would look forward to going home for weeks in advance, I would count down the weekends, and I've lately come something close to dreading it. Though I will be happy to see my newly free brother, the rest is just... depressing, really. That's what it's become; I'm just wholly depressed for the better part of my time there. I don't know what exactly it is (and no, I won't bore you with the wholly depressing details) but I am fairly certain that it has much to do with the fact that nothing I do seems to change anything, that I feel so useless all the way over here, and that I want desperately to be happy and have my family share in that and I don't really see that happening. Well, no use whining about it in my livejournal, I'll just drown my sorrows in the fact that I have yet to do my FAFSA, and that, along with completing some unfinished homework, will most likely keep my mind off family and friends for the time until I have to go back home for the summer and deal with them. 

I've also become painfully aware lately of the fact that few people even come close to speaking real English, so I've put more effort into learning French. Hopefully English will fall out of my head all together, and I will fail to notice. 

Speaking of French, my anticipated schedule looks promising, now all I have to do is get into the classes. That, by the way, is the hard part. But if not, I can always take sailing, and there's comfort in that. If all goes as I've planned, then I will have ENG 310D, 228, and 353, with some Religion thrown in there and perhaps a Self-Defense class if I deem it necessary. All that plus living with Julia, Abby, and Leslie equals me being content. That's one thing to look forward to. And yes, that preposition is going to stay there at the end of the sentence; I'm being edgy. Like when e.e. cummings doesn't use capitalization. Or something.

There's also Take Back the Night coming up Tuesday, where I will join with my fellow women and, well, take the night back. I urge you to join, if you can (more activities are around Beaumont Tower all day). 


You know, I'm tired, and I'm probably going to regret pouring my heart out to you in the morning - for some reason, I almost always immediately regret LJ after I use it, no matter what I use it for. I don't know why. But I'm going to sleep. Good night (and good luck?).

If you ever do one thing with your life, I suggest you see David Copperfield onstage. You will thank me for it. 

Sean took Ben and I to see him at the Fox this weekend, and I could not have been more amazed. He made a CAR come out of NOWHERE. Later he made thirteen people disappear. I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THOSE PEOPLE WENT. I was so happy. I loved it so much. 

It made me think about how much I love the city. I hadn't been in the Fox since they redid it, and it's completely amazing. It's always been amazing, but still. And just walking in the city, with the people; men playing saxaphone and guitar on the corners; playful, boistrous music tumbling out of the greek restaurants; the sky darkening until the streetlamps and traffic signals glow seductive and warm above our heads. Sururban life is cute, but the city is so real - I don't how else to say it. I always want to live close to a big city, if not in one. It's weird, because big cities are often fraught with dirty homeless faces, criminals, dark alleys and stolid buildings, but I feel almost cozy walking by the stores and restaurants and apartments in the dark. 

It was a marvelous time, is what I mean to say. Plus, we had delicious fettucini downtown. It doesn't get much better than that. 

Less than a week until the best weekend ever. It'll be tough to top this one, since it included magic, RENT, and spooning Jeffrey on a Sunday (unexpected sleepovers are the best kind). 

Anyway, I have junk to do. Farewell.

It was around 11:30, or maybe

closer to midnight,

when we stopped at the gas station off of

Van Dyke for beef jerky, smokes for Frankie,

and a few cokes.

Three girls on a mission

to do nothing all night.

We were near 26 mile, where an

ex-boyfriend lived. We had covered

his car in birdseed

and honey.

We tried to think of something to last us

til Hannah’s mom started calling

wondering where we were

when I said that I didn’t even know

that the mile roads went past twenty.

Growing up near Detroit, this was

Up North to me.

Frankie said as long as we paid for gas

we’d drive as far North as we had to

to find where the roads ended.

We took turns squatting in the tiny

bathroom before packing our snacks,

then we hopped into the beat-up

Plymouth Sundance and pulled

out of the lot.

It rattled even on asphalt

because the engine mount was cracked

so I shouldn’t have been surprised

when we hit the dirt roads

past 29 mile

and my coke ended up in the front seat.

At 32, going 35, we hit a rut in the dirt

deep enough to catch the front tires

and stick us.

There’s no cell phone service

up where no people live, either.

So three girls

rocked a busted car

until the front wheels caught.

We noticed the road closed sign

on the way back South, after

deciding that 32 mile road

was as far North

as we would venture tonight.

The map in the glove box

easily proved later that

they ended there anyway.

But we would have

had to check

for ourselves.

Things like that

are just important.

Mmmmmmmmmonday. Mondays are a mix of good and bad, always. I'm always so sleepy, and I had to come back from home, but it's the beginning of a new week, and one day closer to anything that I'm waiting for.

I had an absolutely wonderful weekend. Friday I went home and managed to get back before my mom was off work, so the boys and I tidied up and ordered pizza. It was a really great sit-at-home-with-my-mommy evening. We had a Mario party, which Nathaniel,surprisingly, won. Davy was not as mean as usual; I got one good hug in before he grabbed me and tripped me.

Saturday, Mom and I went to the store and I talked to Cindy a little-- she's really matured and become a really cool person since I met her. Then the boys and I helped make dinner and then we left for our night on the town. 

Ben, Nathaniel, and I picked Sean up at the Masonic Temple and dropped Nathaniel off at Labyrinth, then we went to Fishbones for Sean's dinner and my second dinner :). They had the absolutely best sushi I've had in a really long while. Just thinking about the maki rolls... drooool. And, little-known fact kids - they had the biggest indoor waterfall until the building a few blocks over got one in. We had a little time to kill before the show we were going to started, so we just drove around a little looking at the mess that the Superbowl left. It was very odd: evrything that had been deserted before had posters and confetti over it, and a couple of buildings had been spiffed up a little, but it was just a cheap patina over the abandoned, over the forgotten. It made it look worse. It made me think that so many buildings could be so nice, that the city could be so beautiful all over if people just cared. It makes me so sad.

Anyway, after a little bit, we drove back to Labyrinth to see THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW EXPERIENCE. If you get a chance, I highly recommend it. Nathaniel had been working on it and involved for a while, so I made sure that before they stopped doing it, I saw the show. It was so worth it.

We got there and this guy in a top hat, beard, and FULL RHPS costume and make-up came up to us and asked if we'd seen the show before. We told him no, and he grinned and said, "VIRGINS, marvelous! I can't wait!" and proceeded to draw Vs on our foreheads in eyeliner. Then this girl searched me and completely felt me up as she did so. We found Nathaniel, who introduced us to a couple of his friends, and his friend Clayton (who was MCing the show) said hi, too. Everyone there (which included at least a hundred or so people) was dressed in complete Rocky Horror attire, with fishnets and the whole works. Even the men. Actually, especially the men.

Ben and Sean and I found a seat by the bar while we waited for the show to start. They were playing Sin City on the screen, but they were also playing loud music, so no one was really paying attention. Then Nathaniel's friend Colleen got onstage and did an Ani DeFranco poem which was absolutely marvelous. After that, Clayton got up and asked how the fuck everyone was, which was surprising, considering he's so polite to my mother. He had a whole persona for the show, though, I guess. Then he asked all the virgins to get onstage. Sean, Ben and I reluctantly went up, with Nathaniel in the front row grinning at us. They gave us all a balloon and told us to blow it up, after which that strange man in the top hat came up to us and felt us up and down (second time in one night!) and popped our RHPS cherries. They made Sean pop two other girls balloons, and they sent Ben backstage for a special surprise.

Sean and I went back to our seats, then they announced a "Hot Bodies" contest. Nathaniel made me go onstage again. Now remember, I was standing there with adorable girls who were, for the most part, wearing fishnets, high heels, bustiers, and ruffled skirts. I had on my jeans and a shrug. For me, I figured it would be a short contest. Clayton made all the girls stand in a line, and told us to walk up and down the stage and strut our stuff. Most girls did a cute little dance, and the ones that the audience cheered loudest for got to stay. I walked up and down, mostly just my normal walk (I was giggling a little, which distracted me from really sexying it up) and, strangely, it was LOUD. I walked back to Clayton, who said, "I like the conservative ones, she can stay." Nathaniel and Sean were sitting in the front row laughing and cheering, which made me laugh even more. It actually got down to me and these four other girls, and Clayton kicked two more off, saying "If they don't like you, why the fuck should I!" so it was down to three. The top hat man came back, looking us up and down, and I mouthed to the boys "What the fuck is he doing?" which was apparently seen by the entire audience, and they laughed uproariously. Clay made the first girl walk up, but kicked her off. Then I walked up and down again, and the other girl said, she ACTUALLY SAID, "I can't compete with that, I'm stepping down." And so I won the Hot Bodies contest at the Labyrinth. I was completely flabbergasted.

Then Sean and I went back to our seats (Ben was still nowhere to be found) and they started the movie. It was on this big projector screen with a stage in front of it. During the opening credits, this girl came onstage and started dancing and stripping until she was down to nipple pasties and panties (high-heeled boots, too). The way they did the movie was they showed the actual film on the projector, but had people acting it out on stage. Then during certain lines, they had call lines, where the people doing the show would pretty much just yell funny things. It was like Mystery Science Theater live, almost. Ben came out as the man getting married in the beginning, and when he came back, he was upset with Sean and Nathaniel for letting me win the contest.

They did the movie so hilariously, and during the break I had Nathaniel's friend read my tarot cards. Apparently I'm supposed to change the world. Honestly. So be ready for it kids. Afterwards, Nathaniel went with the cast to City Club, and Ben and I stopped by Sean's for a bit when we dropped him off. I played with his brother's dog, Scooby, who is completely insane but I adore him.

We didn't get back until about 4am, at which point I was still so wired that ate some garlic bread and watched part of Beethoven's 2nd. Saint Bernard puppies are the cutest thing ever, ps.

Then Sunday morning, my mom made sausage and toast and eggs, and we all ate and goofed off before Julia got me. It was so niceeeeeee.

We also had Vagina Monologue rehearsal last night. I did "The Flood" for the cast for the first time, and they really seemed to like it. I'm a little worried I might not have time to get it as good as it should be, but it's still going to be so good. I'm so excited for the show. Even though V-Week is going to be something close to hell as far as busy-ness is concerned, it's going to be so much fun. And the show is going to be sooo fabulous. I reallly just can't wait.

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. I think I might go see Jeffy this weekend; not really to celerbrate (although he does have a gift for me) but because after this week I'm not going to have any time until the show's done, and then after that it's Spring Break. So it might be a good time to see him.

Ugh, my tummy hurts. This was supposed to be meaningful and deep, but 1) it was coming from me, so what did you expect and 2) I'm coming from a great weekend, and I had to share. Next time, Gadget, next time. I'm going to go lay down and pretend to think about something for poetry. But more likely than not I'll fall asleep on the futon with a book or something in my lap.

adios, loves. peace.

I don't even really know what I wanted to say, only that I wanted to talk. Probably not a good sign of a writer, hm? Not knowing what to say, or how to put it into words. Sometimes you just can't, though.

We go through life, thinking that nothing can stop us. We think we're invincible. We think we have power. We own businesses, cook our own dinners. We built skyscrapers. We got through finals last semester. There's nothing we can't handle, we're unstoppable. And there's so much more we can do. Graduation. That trip to Florida. Next week's shopping. Nothing will hinder that.

But bad weather. Floods. Car accidents. Anything.
And then, suddenly, we're so weak. And lost.

You never meet someone thinking that you will be told the day they die. You never see someone walking down the street knowing it will be the last time you ever do. You never. Would it make a difference if you did? Would you smile differently, hold them longer, cry? What would be the use?

Nothing can change the fact that we are utterly temporal. Our presence here doesn't even register on the timeline of the earth. We can make marks, gashes on the planet of the surface. They'll fade like scars, like bad dreams. We'll be gone.

But there was fresh snow on the trees outside my window this morning. And for some reason, it doesn't seem so futile.

I didn't even know her, honestly. But, God, that doesn't really matter. It changes things. It always does.

I get so tired of being underestimated.

So, I love power outages that affect the entire north campus area.

After one of the main boilers apparently blew out around 8 or so Saturday night, everything from West Circle to MASP and beyond were completely without power for about an hour or so. The best part? I was in the West-side basement of Mayo when it happened. Alone. And even better, the heavy industrial door chose that exact moment to slam shut. Suffice it to say that I was more than a little terrified. So much so that I ran up 3 flights of stairs into Julia's arms. After that, we spent the remaining blackout time playing Taboo in the hallway with some neighbors. It actually made me kind of happy that the power went out, because otherwise I might not have had such a pleasure. We also got out cookies and snacks. So much fun.

I also went to Kappa Sigma and Lambda Chi with Julia and Abby, who is a mean horrible person because she declined to stay the night here. We did have a wonderful time, especially when I ran into a parked car while trying to use my cell phone, and Abby fell down because she decided cowboy boots in the snow are a good idea.

It was really good to go out and have fun because I've been so busy and TIRED lately with work and class. But I'm getting a lot done with Pam, and I think we're actually going to get this magazine out on time and done well. I'm excited.

Ok, well, I still have a whole workbook's worth of French to get done before bed, and a crapload of other things, too, for the rest of the week. So goodnight kids. Stay cool.

Julia (as she reads the New York Times)(completely deadpan): Oh, this girl in Turkey died. They think it might be the Bird Flu.
Me: (laughs hysterically until I think I'm going to throw up).
Julia: OH, (laughs hysterically).

This is why we're so madly in love. By the way, those pictures I mentioned from the weekend? Facebook, kids. All you can eat goofy frathouse shennanigans. Get them while they're hot.

Really busy lately, but apparently I still have time for this crap. Shows just where my priorities are.

Ok, reading and shower and then I have to go to bed. Keep cool, my babies.

Oh, man. So, fantastic weekend, good night, I'm happy. What more is there? The only other thing I can say is that if Hannah doesn't post the numerous pictures I took from tonight, we're going to have serious issues. Honest to God.

Anyway, I should be eating some food and laying some down, so please, have a good night. Lots of love, from us Ghostly Girls here in Mary Mayo Hall.

I feel like I'm miles above you, and yet sitting at your feet.